its 2am. im not that sleepy. and i plan on skipping class tomorrow (as i always do for this class) so i dont have anything till a meeting at 1130. i just wanted to say, all things aside, pain you never thought youd overcome receeds in the distance and becomes a faint memory. so im doing well, and happy with school and where my life is taking me. personal statement is done, letters of rec are almost all in, mcats are in 2.5 weeks, and im getting really excited to pick which schools i want to apply to. life is good, and im happy. today it was pouring but i couldnt stop smiling walking to class looking at all the umbrellas and imagining looking down on them from above and how silly we all must look. i kept thinking of that game rollercoaster tycoon and when it rained all the little people had umbrellas.
i do miss him, when i think about him. and sometimes i wish things didnt turn out this way. and its not that im happy it did end this way, its just it doesnt really bother me anymore. maybe it just wasnt meant to be, and ive accepted that.
im not sure how seeing him is going to be though. im excited, which is probably bad.i know im not entirely over it,as picturing him making out with his ex makes me really upset, and thinking about how he made me believe he felt all these things and then the moment he thought he could get back together with her he left me, and all those horrible things he said about how he didnt love me as much as i loved him or he loved her still makes me feel really hurt and used. but i do want to see him. and it makes me happy that he wants to see me. see how this is a bad path? especially when im ok with the whole being without him now.
i do know that i deserve more though, and im not willing to settle. i want someone who will love me for me, not as some replacement or second best. so i really cant afford to not be over it.
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