all alone in the apartment

Yesterday was my last final, and I thought my night was gonna be kinda lame as most of my friends had already gone home, but I ended up having a great time. After MCAT class, I came back to really loud Blink 182 and shout from my roommate Kirstin "I made you a margarita!" And I knew then that my plan to stay in and watch a movie was not gonna happen. We had drinks and played loud club music, and decided we needed more people, so I called my friends Robert and Chun Mei, and told them to come over. Well, we thought they were gonna come right over, but 2 hours later, it was midnight, and they still hadn't left. Kirstin had a flight at 10 and I promised to drive her so we had to be up at 730, but I didnt want the night to end. So Robert and Chun Mei came to pick me up and we went back to their apartment, and ended up singing karaoke with fuzzy navels and a few of their other friends. Did this until about 2, then broke off to go play a game of spades. By the time I got home it was 330, didnt sleep till four, and got up to drive to burbank at 745. I had a really good time, and I need to hang out with these guys more often. I'm so glad I met them! :-)
It made me realize something. If I were still in a relationship I wouldnt really have the freedom to stay out late and drink and hang out with people I just met. Or go to dinner alone with a guy friend and worry about reassuring my boyfriend that it didnt mean anything. Or maybe I would have the freedom to, but I wouldnt want to, or I wouldnt have met them. I sacrificed so much of everything for my boyfriend, I would save up my freetime to spend with him and feel no need to meet new people, because being with him was perfect, I felt complete and whole when I was with him. And while that was amazing, and I do miss that, I also am really enjoying the spontaneity and fun of my single life. And I'm sure at some point I'll be in another relationship, so I should definetly take advantage of these times now. I've realized that I don't need love to be happy, and though I've been struggling with a desire to fix things back to how they used to be, I've accepted that I can't go back, and though its not technically my decision, this is what I want for now too...after all, before these past 8 months, I had spent the last 3 years in a relationship. And if we're being honest, its only been 2 months that I've been completely single.


our pretty nasty smoothies: banana, ice, milk, icecream, berries, hot cocoa powder, and the small amount of vodka we had left