yawn

I do realize that it is 1145 and i am just now awake. And personally I find it more disturbing than you. Think of all the things I could of done (planned to do) before noon rolled around. One of which would have been make a trip to the grocery store and acutally buy some food. Currently I have very little food. And its quite depressing. But lets see. To continue the list
3-Med School Interviews. I was in Michigan last weekend and had my first ever medschool interview. I'm not entirely sure how well I did, there were some questions that I wasn't as clear or coherent as I'd like in my answer, and I wish I talked more for each questions, but I have a habit of stopping and waiting for another directional prompt before I continue talking. But I absolutely loved their school. Except for the fact that its in MICHIGAN they are a perfect fit for me. The curriculum is super flexible, they let you take the weekly quizes any time over the weekend, so you could take it on friday and have the entire weekend stress free. All lectures are videoed and put online to review or watch at your pleasure. Most lecture days only go till noon, unlike some medschools which have lecture 8-5. Its integrated and organ based, with anatomy spanning every sequence as opposed to one long stint. The hospital is amazing, they're a top 10 school, they are ranked 3rd in residency matching, and the town of ann arbor is perfect. small enough to walk around, big enough to have lots of places to eat and buy things. But it is far away and cold and in the middle of nowhere. My next interview is with UW this wednesday and i fly out tuesday at 6pm. I am less nervous for this one, mainly because i dont have to go through the stress of landing in a new city and arranging everything myself. Though it was amazingly fun, though stressful, doing that in Ann Arbor.

I think breakfast is in order

Kristy

Re starting

As I noticed how much fun I had from reading my brother and his wife's blog, I have decided to start up again. Now with a new goal, less self reflection, more keeping in touch with family and friends. With this in mind, hopefully I will realize that people read this and not write things offensive to anyone (an incident i would rather not repeat). However, with so much going on in my life, it's going to be hard to catch up. let's just start with a list of cool and exciting things going on.

1-I'm learning lots of cool technology tools. Taking a website design class really made me realize how much i love creating things. As if it wasnt already evident what with my obvious tendancies towards crafts. But this opens a whole new world of design, as I am learning html, photoshop, dreamweaver, and cs soon Also this friday is a tutorial on using maya, and i will learn how to make a 3d jackolantern. I'm super stoked and often waste my time fooling around with these programs. i wonder if i chose the wrong major? or perhaps more importantly, career choice. also, blogger lets you edit the html of your space, something i am very excited to do soon =) =)

2-Tennis!@! what can i say, i found a new love, and though it seems lat to get started with a new sport, I am so glad I found it when i did. Why didnt I realize the potential for fun when I took lessons in 8th grade? who knows. but i play 2-3 times a week now and am slowly getting better (last wednesday was a real turning point for me, I fixed my form and went from akwardly half spinning twisting my legs practically tripping/jumping in the air to something that resembles a swing, and on the plus side my balls all go very nicely over the net with a very satisfying thwack and they dont go too long either! i cant wait to buy a nice racket. I already bought balls (but didnt find the pink ones I saw online) and also on the list is shoes and a bag.

ok, those are only 2 out of a million things going on, but, i am late for biotech.

hopefully i will continue this little attempt at communication, since I am so bad at every other method (im sorry!)

kristy

i think i could be happy if i had a noah's sun dried tomato bagel with low fat cream cheese for breakfast every morning. oh man so delicious. i remember the days when i had a bagel with cream cheese and a banana every day for breakfast. dont think i can pull that one off anymore.

happy fifth of july. yesterday i witnessed the amazing fireworks of corvallis. went with some friends from my apt and some new people i had yet to meet down to the 'water front' (aka moderate sized river) to see the fireworks show (aka explosives set off one at a time in complete silence. read-no music). got bored with it after about 5 minutes, but it was better than sitting at home by far. and it was good company.

life and secondaries

im not even sure what to say, really. this summer has been completely unexpected in so many ways, and i just feel so lucky to have ended up here. but i dont really want to say a whole lot more, you'll just have to ask me someday in person. but i am very happy...

on the other hand, secondaries havent even started rolling in quite yet (i only have one that has been sent my way) but im already begining to feel overwhelmed. all these freakin essays and they always take me forever, and usually i get tired of it and just start producing less than quality work. but this is what i want to do, but do i really want to go through 18 secondaries? i think thats insane....i hope a lot of the essays can be reused. but that will be my late summer/all of fall.

im also kinda worried about my degree. i planned all along to do a minor, or a double, but my parents saw the graduating a semester early as a boon to their pockets. and i guess part of me feels more ok with it cuz i can make money, but i wonder if it will be detrimental to the application process.

tomorrow is the coast and outlet shopping. <3

heartbeats

One night to be confused, one night to speed up truth. We had a promise made, four hands and then away. Both under influence we had divine scent to know what to say-mind is a razorblade. To call for hands of above to lean on wouldn't be good enough for me, no.
One night of magic rush. The start: a simple touch. One night to push and scream and then relief...
Ten days of perfect tunes. The colors red and blue. We had a promise made-we were in love. To call for hands of above to lean on wouldn't be good enough for me, no.
And you, you knew the hand of the devil and you kept us awake with wolves teeth sharing different heartbeats in one night...

-jose gonzalez

do you ever wonder why people post lyrics? i think it strikes a chord and it means so much to them, they just want to share it, thinking that maybe others will understand better what they are going through. or maybe its just a really good song =p

death cab!!

IM SEEING DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE IN AUGUST! i am officially stoked. If you feel like being in oregon on august 10th, you should come too. its at a winery :-)

thoughts on corvallis

so...corvallis. interesting town. but its been great, and i love experiencing new places. though im going to have to learn to avoid asian food here cuz its just not the same.
thoughts on oregon-
corvallis is in the top ten biggest cities of oregon, man, thats insane. their downtown is all of 4 square blocks, its on par with maybe edmond i think, size wise and style of the town. cute, but not deserving of the name downtown.
people are different here. and i thought washington was liberal and outdoorsy. not here, where organic is the norm, hippies never died, and people expect recycling. its sure been fun people watching though, even just on campus, its an ecclectic variety of styles that i dont normally see.
however, people are also pretty damn nice. maybe its oregon, or maybe its that im not 18 anymore, but coming here and not knowing anyone was a lot easier than going to LA alone.
i like that i can walk places here. no one walks in LA. and for good reason. maybe someday ill move to new york. but people are angry there.
man i miss the food. foodwise its going to be a long ten weeks.
ive decided that maybe someday ill love living in a cute town like this where i can walk to noahs bagels for sunday breakfast, but while im young and not tied down, i do better in a larger city. not necessarily in the ghetto though, i think im done with that

dangerous drug

today i woke up sick. or so i thought. i had all the symptoms of a cold, and i was miserable as i came down the stairs in my robe.klenex box in hand, i truly believed i was destined for a day on the couch. however, my dad later informed me that grass pollen was off the charts today, and i realized i only had allergies. as we were about to go out to lunch, i took a benedryl and we were off to malay satay hut in redmond. another one of my favorite restaurants. on the way, my throat began to kind of close up and my tongue started swelling a bit. this was the most intense allergic reaction i have had from grass, so i thought i better take another benedryl.
lunch was great, really delicious with 2 noodle dishes, chicken satay, and bread with curry. after we decided to go to a coffee shop for a latte. the cafe was perfect, exactly what you want out of a neighborhood coffee shop. friendly staff, great decor, and lattes in giant cups with hearts made out of the foam. only problem was, i was thoroughly sedated.
the drive to the shop found me nodding off, and when we got there i did my best to wake up, but im afraid the barista must have thought i was loopy as i ordered at a speed comparable to those with less mental capacity. as we waited for my drinks, i tried to make conversation with my dad. we talked about normal things, but i couldnt get any of my ideas to form correctly, my scentences came out slightly confused, and my speach was slurred and slow. in short, i felt like i was drunk and desperately trying to keep it together. it was exactly like the end of a night of drinking, all slow, tired, goofy, and confused. i actually felt embarressed because i was acting so drunk around my dad. guess im not yet comfortable partying with my parents.

is my head too small?

so, interesting news....

i knew all along that my parents were married one year more than my age. handy little tip, easy to figure out. but i always kinda assumed that meant they were married for a year and then got pregnant.

last night during dinner at thai ginger (oh so yummy restaurant in redmond, on par with saladang quality, but tiny tiny portions) we were talking about how my dads parents got married because of him. so thought a little bit about my bday and their anniversary and realized that my parents got pregnant the first year of marriage. now that sucks, dont you think? i would want a couple years baby free to enjoy married life. but then i actually stopped to count. june, july, august....february. thats only 8 months. and i was a few days late. 8 months. late. my mom was pregnant when they got married?!

my dad didnt quite understand this, as he had always assumed that i was conceived in europe during their honeymoon, as afterwards is when they found out. and when i went home to ask my mom, she had that sheepish smile as she tried to bluff her way out of it. turns out, she was pregnant a whole month before the wedding. and didnt know. she also didnt know during the honeymoon. in france. which means that my mother was drinking alcohol, beer, redwine, champagne, for the first 2 months of my gestation! when i figured this out, i frantically checked the mirror. why yes, my head did seem abnormally small, and didnt i always reverse numbers, and wasnt i oh so forgetful of names, faces, things people said 2 minutes ago? oh my god i had fetal achohol syndrome!

oh how wonderful to have another thing to give my mom a hard time about...

addictions and vacation

I've definetly got a problem. I'm addicted...

Last night found me anxious. I was all out, and I needed another one, or I couldn't sleep. I looked under my bed, in the guest room, I couldn't find any i hadnt used before. It wasnt until I was in my parents room with a flashlight, moving quietly so as not to wake my mom, rummaging through dusty piles of books that i realized only a truly sad individual would resort to such tactics at midnight in order to get their fix. My name is Kristy, and Im addicted to reading. I need something to read. something good, something worth while, not something sad trashy and juvenile. sorry, but my reading level is not that of an 8 year old. I need reccommendations, and I need them soon, because I leave for oregon on friday, and that will most likely require a LOT of good books. I'm thinking about a trip to the bookstore before I leave, but that will probably run me about a hundred dollars.

Speaking of leaving, I think I finally don't feel like I can live here any more. Its been about a week, and Ive started to become irritable with certain things. i still fit in easily in the family routine, but as much as I love my family, I think i would value weekends home to visit more than living at home.

next friday im off to corvallis, and i dont start work till tuesday or wednesday, so that gives me a few days to get my apt set up and explore the town. im gonna bring my bike down, so i think ill do a lot of running, biking, swimming, and working out at the gym in my brand new apt complex. I swear, after this summer and next year in brand new apts, i'm going to be spoiled...

almost done!

i have to say that im not really looking forward to med school interviews-i kinda feel like i got rather muddled and confused during my mock interview, and it definetly was the worst interview ive ever had. but all said and done, i didnt do too poorly, and i did get to wear my nice new banana republic suit! only thing is, i need to exchange it, and i cant keep the 100 dollar shoes that come with their own dust bag-amazing. it was so much fun to buy that stuff, maybe from now on ill get my thrills by charging really expensive things to my credit card and returning them a week later.
im looking forward to the end of school, but not necessarily for the end of being here. ive finally got a social life back again, and while i miss home and am excited to be there for awhile, i love it here with my friends and im still constantly meeting new people-for a little excitement in my life ;-). and its sad to think that im almost done with my time here. well i'll enjoy my 2 days in LA and then be off for home

party eyes

Ive never been very good with 'eye flirting'. In fact, I have a hard time making eye contact with any guy that I dont know, be he attractive or far from it. If a guy catches my eye, I quickly look away, and I am rarely able to hold a gaze for more than a few seconds. I wonder why this is? Im sure its a remnant of my past shyness, proof that I am more intro than extroverted. But the eyes are so intimate, you can exchange so much in a glance, I'm afraid of sharing too much so I look away.
there have been a few times when i have maintained eye contact long enough for the guy to smile as we pass each other on the street. and in that half second, im a 13 yo girl again giddy with the rush of attraction.
i sometimes notice guys looking at me, but im too shy to smile and give them encouragement to talk to me. i stand aloof, alone on a stairway, staring off into space pretending to watch the beerpong game below, and I see guys looking. Theyre wondering why Im standing alone, whats the circumstance that has left me without a conversation, and they perhaps contemplate coming over. but i feel like the unapproachable one, the one who gives off an air of being too good for the party and for all of you, when in reality Im just bored and alone, waiting for my friends to finish making out so I can go home.

i wish i lived in a time where walking was the norm

everyday i walk home down orchard and i pass a green house with a metal fence around the yard. there nothing too particular about the place, its just about as run down as the others that line the cracked and pot-hole filled street. but most days there is a king charles spaniel waiting at the gate. I always stop for a minute to scratch his head and tell him how cute he is. some days he's not outside, but sees me walk past and runs down the stairs and out the front door into the yard to say hello. Its funny how the little things make your day. Im going to have to start carrying little treats for him.

my appologies

im sorry for the drama this blog has caused. im just venting frustrations here, i wasnt out to get anyone, nor do i want to sabotage anything. i care about him, and i want the best for him, and just like a sister i doubt ill ever think anyones quite good enough for him. is that such a crime? i still feel that way about sean, (and im sure carolines wonderful, i dont really know her, but i still say i called it!)

i guess i dont get why what i think matters so much. but for the record, (since i cant talk directly,) i have no feelings for him nor do i want to get back together with him and i will gladly step aside and exit his life if that is what is best for him. i dont really know how to prove it, because i would of course be sad to lose a friend, but i cant force anyone to believe. but i hope everything works out in the end.

publishing

Reading my newsweek today in an attempt to stuff my brain full of essay topics for saturday, i noticed that on the cover was a piece on an HPV vaccine to treat cervical cancer. I myself had written a 12 page paper on this very topic last semester, of which i was very proud. but even more proud now that this topic has been deemed worthy of a newsweek cover. How exciting is it to predict whats going to be important to the world. imagine having the ability to not only predict, but direct what the world knows. also, the actual cover story is about women who cant sleep, and the reasons for it, one of which is sleep apnea, which i also wrote on.

im going to miss college, and writing papers that i feel proud of, that seem important and actually say something interesting. ive been stuck in science for so long that writing papers seems such an impossible and disgusting task, but the truth is, i love reading, and i do really enjoy the feeling of accomplishment after writing something worthwhile. and the thrill of knowing that my ideas are perhaps important.

i always said there were two other careers i would enjoy. 1-a chef. i love cooking, i enjoy all aspects of it, making people happy, the artistic creativity, the scientific aspect, and of course, i love food. and also 2-publishing. i dont think i have it in me to write a novel (though i do want to try someday, imagine how that would feel!) but i would love to pick what books were published. i love reading.

mountain lakes

either i have allergies (i hate grass) or im sick (god really does hate me) but either way im going to be on drugs when i take the mcats.

im still finding things i dont know for this damn test. and honestly its kinda hard to focus with the sun out and all i want to do is lay out in the sun with a book and a glass of water.

i miss home a lot, this weather always makes me think of washington in august, which im never there for. but i havent been home in so long. i want to go hiking up to the lakes in the mountains again, and jump off that rock into the water.

that day was so much fun. if you know me, you know i hate falling. absolutely, i wont go on splash mountain, its a horrible feeling. but that day i managed to get up enough courage to jump off a rock about 20 feet above the water (doesnt seem like a whole lot, but trust me, heres a pic with adam jumping off, who is 6'2" or so). but it took me so long, i walked to the edge and looked down and i couldnt jump, it took me a few minutes, and finally i walked away from it, and i tried to run towards the edge but i was too scared so i only managed to walk quickly, and i didnt have enough speed so i couldnt take a flying leap off, it was more like i stepped off, which is really scary. and i remember falling and for the first two seconds it wasnt too bad, and then that last third i felt like i was never going to stop, and then splash i hit that rather cold glacier lake water. it was exhilarating. but i couldnt do it again.

i miss the trees, i miss the clean air, i miss the mountains, the sun, the rain, the ocean. and i miss my family. only 3 weeks!

adam jumping off the rock. i dont have a pic of myself doing it, but i promise you i did!

oh the sun

finally it feels like summer here in LA. was perhaps too much of a shock for my system though. i had an hour break between phys lab and kines lab, so i sat in the sun and did mcat studying. nice, relaxing, getting some vitamin d... apparently im whiter than ive been in years, because i got kinda burned. not too bad, but definetly pinky-red. how is that possible!? usually it takes awhile for me to tan/burn in LA. so now i have this akward vshaped tan from snowboarding and a lighter tan that goes farther down my chest from my tank top. im thinking a trip to the beach is in order.

feeling better about mcats. got my eye on a 39, but ill be happy with a 35+
tomorrow im going to skip all the classes and take a practice test on my own. gonna start it at 10 which means ill be outa there probably by 5. ugh. but friday will be relaxation, with gathering of some essay topic ideas, and a mani/pedi. oh and making sure i know how to get to the test center. other than that, just watching movies and hoping i can fall asleep.

cant wait till saturday at 5, ill be all done. call if want afterward : )

disorder reigns

i just want it neat and clean again. my room is a mess, clothes and books everywhere, my school work is a mess, i cant seem to do everything i need to do, my body's a mess, im sick and i cannot afford to be sick now. my throat hurts so bad i can barely swallow. i honestly just wish someone would come and clean my room. i cant wait till saturday, i want to come back and lay on the couch and get lots of hugs and love, maybe go out to dinner, someone else can drive, and we can go to my favorite thai place in pasadena, except its saturday so traffic will probably be bad, but ill fall asleep in the car on the way there, and ill get a bunch of different types of noodles, mmm, and then come back and watch a movie and have icecream. and come sunday i can either go snowboarding or sleep in and go shopping and finally get myself all those things i want...or at least a few things i need.

but i feel like more likely saturday im gonna come back and lay on the couch, and then fall asleep. which can also be nice. maybe not ideal, i know how to make myself happy ; )

i dont know if anyone reads this. if you do, leave a comment and let me know? and to make it interesting, recount a favorite memory of us

qualities

i dont like being protected. i dont like feeling sheltered either, ask my parents. i prefer honesty and resulting pain to deceit and ignorance. i would rather have people talk bad about me to me than behind my back-i hate fake people who pretend to be your friends but really don't give a shit about you. i want to do it my way, i want to make my own decisions. i bristle when im treated like a child or an idiot. its hard for me to ask for help from those who are my superiors, id rather figure it out on my own.

mcats

is anyone else fucking nervous for next weekend?

my expectations are too high.

could any one spare a few minutes to hug me, maybe massage my shoulders and tell me its gonna be ok? and i could really use some cuddle time right now, just to relax for a bit.