one month

Just a few thoughts on the last month before I head off to class. nothing in life comes easy, and this is never as true as in relationships. and though we're had a couple issues, and are still working to figure each other out, things have gone amazingly well. I'm quite happy and enjoying the wonderful feeling that only a new relationship can bring. I can't quite believe it's already been a month. I'm sure its a direct result of being apart more than we are together, and only seeing each other on the weekends, but also as a result of this is an actual awareness each time i return home alone of how we have grown closer. instead of a gradual deepening of feelings, its, for lack of a better word, a quantized relationship in which the changes are more intense. Also this is probably a result of the fact that when we are together, we spend almost the entire time at each others side for the couple days, and though dates and going out are fun, i think its really when you start simply working along side each other and taking comfort in the other's presence that a true bond begins to form. also on that note, silence can say much more about two people than conversation ever can. and so, on the one month anniversary of the day we met at mark's party and spent the entire night talking until 7am, I leave you with a picture that looks like it should be a postcard.



sam and i at santa monica a couple weeks ago 

oh and if you click the pic it gets bigger

a couple pics

oh county hospital, the 3rd world country where people are supposed to receive care, about which was recently discussed in the LA times how there were not appropriate safety measures taken to protect workers and volunteers from the criminals taken there, at which i myself volunteer.


LA county hospital where i volunteer 

and me and chun mei at el cholos on her 21st. we ordered margs but they didnt card us. of course. ive only been carded once now. get on your game people!


me and chun mei on her 21st 

its a me...

sounds exactly like me, almost to the point of ridiculousness

take the test

the Helper
you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO
"I must help others"
Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs
How to Get Along with Me
Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
In Intimate Relationships
Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me
What I Like About Being a Two
being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor
What's Hard About Being a Two
not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

ruminations

there are some disadvantages to being a girl, for sure. i wish that i didnt have to put myself and the people i care about through those ridiculous couple days. i should just shut myself off from the world on those days. at least i know that it only gets better with time. i dont even know what to say. there are parts of myself that i want to change, but when its something i feel i have less control over, i dont even know where to begin. on another note, its hard to explain what being hapa really means. but its nice to be able to share that with someone

post vday thoughts

the distance makes it a lot harder to work through the miscommunications.

another late night

i hate nights alone in the apartment by myself. its times like this that i just want the comforting presence of someone next to me. we dont have to be talking. or even close together. just knowing someone else is alive and awake at this ungodly hour. thank god for aim, but i know its late when everyone is signed off.
on another note, things are going rather well in my life. i must say, i may have gotten one thing off my bday list. (the last one). :)

my 21st is tomorrow

if i were getting gifts for my bday, i would like,
rainbow slippers

ugg slippers

video ipod, white

clothes and shoes from zara, esprit, H&M, and express

a basket for my bike

<3 a valentine <3

but its just wishful thinking

pictures from pomona

first jello shot. no worries, it was 2 shots tequilla for 21 shots.. 


mark and i at the party. look im not red!  


me and emily. she's such a sweetheart, i wish she went here! 

its been awhile...

cheesy song but really fits right now. its been so long since ive been happy. felt healthy. felt in control of my life and the direction its going. felt loved, wanted, and safe. and im glad to say that this semester has finally brought a change. last summer/semester was just a really awful time for me. and i just wanted to say that since starting this semester, i have been truly happy. i dont even know why. but its amazing, and i cant believe its been this long. went to pomona to visit mark last weekend. had a really great time. i remember freshman year i visited mark, and he took me to a party, and i didnt know anyone, and i didnt drink, and i hated the whole atmosphere. i was uncomfortable and it showed. i wonder what has changed. can 2.5 years really do that much? i dont know whether its the fact that i drink now and it makes it easier to talk to complete strangers, or if im just more confident in myself and interact easier with people. probably a bit of both, but i dont think i need that cup in my hand to have great conversations. i have changed so much, but honestly, most of this change occured the last semester. i guess i dont change gradually over time at a constant speed, i go through spurts and bursts of really dynamic change that almost makes me a new person. and actually a lot of those periods in my past have occured during or after a really shitty time emotionally/mentally. in hs jr year, where i was seriously depressed and lost most of my friends. summer after sr year/fall college, where i broke up with my bf and went off to a city where i didnt know anyone-and i was shy, so that was hard- and then this last 6 months, where i didnt know what the hell was going on. maybe the hard times are just something that i need to go through in order to keep growing and evolving. i just might be a pheonix.
yours, kristy

actually sounds really accurate..

You are the fox.


Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Japan and their propensity for having everything clean

a little note about my winter break:
omg so much fun. I think i have the traveling bug. I know no one reads long posts so i'll try to keep the overview short. And i'll post pics later. Japan is a lot of fun, I love the culture and how clean everything is, and its so foreign and yet at the same time familiar. I realized I don't know enough japanese to converse, or even understand much. A lot of the talking is confidence though, its amazing how much more confident I was about going up to strangers and asking for directions after a couple days there. And at one point I even said something complex, along the lines of, among okonomiyaki restaurants, which one is the most delicious. I was so proud of myself, I had rehearsed it in my head multiple times before approaching the lady. I managed to get the entire line out without stumbling, and she seemed to understand what I said. I say seemed, because I had NO idea what she said back to me. All I understood was at the end she said 'sorry' so i assumed she didnt know and said thanks and left. That pretty much sums up my conversational skills. The girls in Japan maybe arent exceptionally beautiful, but they really know how to dress and pay a lot of attention to their appearance. So pretty much every girl between the ages of 8 and 28 was "ridiculously goodlooking". Tried to do some shopping, but a simple skirt there costs on average 6,000 Yen, which is about 600 US. insane. in the membrane. so after we figured that out, our days consisted of eating, walking until we were hungry, and eating again, over and over. with some sightseeing in between all that walking. I swear our only focus was to work up an appetite so we could try something new to eat. Whats ironic is that japan is such a clean city, but there are NO trashcans. not one. go figure. I dont know what these japanese locals do with their trash, my guess is theyre all secretly walking around with bulging pockets full of candy wrappers and cigarette butts. and these designer bags all the girls carry? just a convinient LV take with you trashcan to hold that half drunk soda. And on this note, Hong Kong was DIRTY. old pavement, old buildings, and trash everywhere. Ironically, hongkong contained a lot of conviniently placed trashcans about every 2 blocks. I love being from that culture. :-)
I could on average see above everyones head in japan, a strange feeling for me. Even worse for my dad, who's 6 foot, so white he glows, and bald. Basically his head was a flashing white beacon that stuck out above a sea of black. never had any trouble locating him. ok this is already too long, and i havent even gone over hongkong. maybe next update, whenever that is.
yours, kristy

all alone in the apartment

Yesterday was my last final, and I thought my night was gonna be kinda lame as most of my friends had already gone home, but I ended up having a great time. After MCAT class, I came back to really loud Blink 182 and shout from my roommate Kirstin "I made you a margarita!" And I knew then that my plan to stay in and watch a movie was not gonna happen. We had drinks and played loud club music, and decided we needed more people, so I called my friends Robert and Chun Mei, and told them to come over. Well, we thought they were gonna come right over, but 2 hours later, it was midnight, and they still hadn't left. Kirstin had a flight at 10 and I promised to drive her so we had to be up at 730, but I didnt want the night to end. So Robert and Chun Mei came to pick me up and we went back to their apartment, and ended up singing karaoke with fuzzy navels and a few of their other friends. Did this until about 2, then broke off to go play a game of spades. By the time I got home it was 330, didnt sleep till four, and got up to drive to burbank at 745. I had a really good time, and I need to hang out with these guys more often. I'm so glad I met them! :-)
It made me realize something. If I were still in a relationship I wouldnt really have the freedom to stay out late and drink and hang out with people I just met. Or go to dinner alone with a guy friend and worry about reassuring my boyfriend that it didnt mean anything. Or maybe I would have the freedom to, but I wouldnt want to, or I wouldnt have met them. I sacrificed so much of everything for my boyfriend, I would save up my freetime to spend with him and feel no need to meet new people, because being with him was perfect, I felt complete and whole when I was with him. And while that was amazing, and I do miss that, I also am really enjoying the spontaneity and fun of my single life. And I'm sure at some point I'll be in another relationship, so I should definetly take advantage of these times now. I've realized that I don't need love to be happy, and though I've been struggling with a desire to fix things back to how they used to be, I've accepted that I can't go back, and though its not technically my decision, this is what I want for now too...after all, before these past 8 months, I had spent the last 3 years in a relationship. And if we're being honest, its only been 2 months that I've been completely single.


our pretty nasty smoothies: banana, ice, milk, icecream, berries, hot cocoa powder, and the small amount of vodka we had left 

wish list

no presents for me this year cuz of the big trip, but if i get the money these are things id buy myself

fleece pants

white usc hat

bronzer

video ipod

Dinner at C&O's

Went last saturday to C&O's Trattoria. Amazing food, and such a good deal! 10 bucks will feed you for 4 days, not kidding. but the best part are the garlic rolls. They just keep coming, every five minutes, out of the kitchen and piled onto your plate. And one last hurrah for me, chantie, and elisia before we head home for break.




elisia and I with the famous garlic rolls at C&O's last saturday 

The end of my fall Junior year

I'm actually having a lot of fun trying to figure out the Html coding for this blog and tweaking it. What a great way to procrastinate. Though I really should be studying, as my genetics final is tomorrow, and I didn't do that well on my physics one yesterday. I know most people would probably be happy with my score, but I could have should have done better, had I actually went to class the last month of the semester. Guess I just thought I could take the shortcuts and still pull it off. To tell you the truth, I'm burned out. I no longer have that inspiration, that drive. And I'm hoping that this winter break, and my trip to Japan and Hong Kong, will find me able to gain control back over my life, to do the things I know I need to do, to have the time to do the things I want to do, and the strength to overcome the complacency that has taken over me lately. I feel that the last seven or eight months have just been completely insane, I've been mentally all over the place, and my stability and support in many ways has either disintegrated or been replaced with new, more fragile beams. And I can point to the exact day all this began. But that's a story for another day, for now, I will attempt to learn the genetics of cancer, development, population, evolution, and decipher a paper on a study done to identify genes in a receptor tyrosine kinase pathway that produces an eye cell in fruit flies. Sound complicated? Believe me, it is. Wish me luck, and I will see you soon.